Sitting here in the midst of
nature and wilderness, I get a sense of peace and tranquility. A much needed
feeling, pending for a long time. I come here for a day or two, enjoy the
serenity and go back to a life of eternal chaos. But the trees, grass, insects,
animals, streams, waterfalls, everything stays right here, continuing to do
what they have been doing forever. They never get tired of being where they are
and run to the suburbs to spend a weekend with us. I want to be this content,
with life. I want to be this satisfied with what I have. But this petty
consumer driven life I possess, is the only thing I have and know. Even when I
want to break free of these chains, I’m bound by habit. Every necessity we have
in our lives, is nothing but a mere luxury for some. People survive with things
far less. And also far more. This conflict of wanting more and being satisfied
is the war that is driving me mad and has also driven me this far in life. Is
it right to have a taste of wanting more and then getting it but settling for
being satisfied. Is it right to pass on my progeny the feeling of being
satisfied and live a life with far less, when I have already felt the heat of
wanting more. Is it all for the greater good? Is it all for my whims? I have
seen my parents make sacrifices to give a life better than theirs and that we
pursue to make a life far better than what we had received. Am I ready to give
my children a life far less than what I had and teach them to continue living
the same? Don’t they deserve to taste the wanting more? May be they would be
better than me, at it. May be they would want more, get more and keep more,
unlike me.
But all this when I have a
progeny. Right now my struggles are endless. Right now my life is dreary. Right
now everything feels mundane. Right now is still Right Now. I want to go to
tomorrow, when right now would be a thing of past. I may be better or I may be
worse. But it would be different from right now.
