A New Year, worthwhile!

Its almost time that a new year is about to dawn and when we look back, what have we achieved till now? Is it the mere satisfaction that we are moving ahead in time, technology and pace of life? Or is it something that we have left behind and never noticed? We look back and all we see are the regrets we left behind, all the successes we carried along, all the new friends we made and all the old ones left behind, all the enemies we befriended and all new ones we incurred. But at the end of the day what is the one thing that makes it all worth while?

Its a question with a million answers and all of them are correct. For each one of us the answer is different and how can it be wrong. For me, what makes it worthwhile is that so far I might have made mistakes and I might have done wrong but today when I think about them they all seem puny cause the time has gone and the feeling has faded away. Sometimes I wish the old times to come back and sometimes I don't, thinking about the pain and sorrow I had to endure. Life is too vast, for some of us to dwell upon a single perspective. So I believe in the concept of change and new.

So this New Year, what makes it all worthwhile for me is the New Year itself with all the uncertainties that it hides with in itself, all the happiness and all the sadness that is about to come and all the new people about to appear in my life. It all makes it worthwhile.

Why???

Why do I feel like this?

is it because you wasted all the love I ever gave you?

or is it because you never responded the way I did?

Why have you put conditions to love me?

Why do you see all the faults in me?

Why is it so that you need a reason to say something awful to me?

Why oh why, did you not value the love I gave you?

Why did you not see that I gave up the world for you?

Why did you not tell me when I hurt you?

Why did you not feel the same way I felt for you?

I guess I asked for too much.

I guess I never knew that love was such.

I think I learnt after I shattered my heart.

Not once, not twice but every time I began to start. 

Why have you been so heartless?

Why have you been so loveless?

Why have you been so mean?

To break my heart, why were you so keen?

I know now never to trust, 

that the mean things that the world has to thrust, 

All the bad things you helped me through, 

and all the hurt you pushed me to. 

Oh, I could never stop loving you, 

Cause even when I hate you, I think I love you. 

Life!!!

There seem to be a million ways to look at our lives in a simpler perspective, but we don't use a single one of them. We choose to live in our bubble of complications. This becomes much more clearer when we ask another person's opinion on any particular complication, they always come up with an idea which never works out for us. Sad but true.

The bubble never bursts, we live in that bubble and we die in that bubble. Its the common logic of life. Life... some one invented this four letter word which hides in itself a miracle that no one can fathom its potential. Its complexities are so vast that a single human life span is not sufficient to unravel it.

I believe in not pondering upon the awsomeness of life but rather on the jumbled jigsaw puzzle of my own life. Just waiting and trying to put all the pieces in place. Every time I club two wrong pieces together I end up with scratches on my heart.

But thats again, as every one says it, life...

But apart from the broken heart and sometimes broken ribs, life is also about simple joys and pleasures that we treasure in our memories. Little things that change our lives and big things that don't matter at all. Its the unexpectedness of Life what makes it worth living.

There are low times when people choose to quit and give up their life, what they forget is that, it was not in their power to have this life and neither is it their possession to give away. They forget about the unexpectedness.

I live every day wishing that something new will happen tomorrow, that like expecting the unexpected. Try it. Its thrilling.... Though please do try to loose the bubble. I am trying....

Heartbreak lessons

Have you ever wondered how love alters you and how you start looking at life with a whole new perspective? Well the same happened with me.
I was in a girl's convent all my life. Fourteen years of my life I spent with girls. The only guys in my life were my my father, my brother and some cousins. School was tough. People wish they could go back to their school days, but I am not one of them. Any ways, the only get away that I did have then were books. They had such variety of things to offer. And the most fascinating among them was LOVE.

I wondered how it would be like to be in love, to be wanted, to be loved. Around me I saw friends talking about guys and how its exciting. To be honest I joined in as well, without any first hand experience. I know many people might think that I was just trying to fit in and some might even think I am a loser, but it is what it is. Sometimes it bored the hell out of me when my friends used to talk about how a guys were trying to get them by throwing love notes at them, WOW!

I was average, in school, in looks, in just about everything. So no knight in shining armor was coming my way and so I didn't have many stories to tell. Some found it real boring and so I was stuck with a really small number of friends, to be more precise, one. But I loved it.

I got my heart broken first when I was 13, it was not love but rather infatuation. But still, I was disappointed. I got a new perspective to life, "I am good enough for no one."

Life moved on and I had a great time with my friend. We were together and had fun with all the silly things in life and never had time to think of love. But no one escape its clutches either.

Suddenly I was friends with a guy who was from a completely different world and told me about things I really didn't know about. Then came the biggest mistake that anyone can make in their life. A friendship turned into a relationship. It usually never works out and at the end of the day you end up ruining the friendship. Same inevitable thing happened with me. And another heartbreak. Thank God it ended before it took a serious turn. New perspective, "Long distance relationships, never last".

Then came the Real Love and it was all rosy and the world was different. It was unbelievable for me, that anyone could actually fall in love with a mediocre like me. But it was true, I was in love and someone loved me back and nothing was going wrong.

But something did go wrong and that led to a massive heartbreak. New moral, "Love sucks, never fall in love".

Some how I have realized that a broken heart always demoralizes you. It teaches us that there does not exist anything called "PERFECT". Everything has flaws, plans often fail to work out the way they are supposed to work. And at the end every heart break teaches you a new lesson, learn it and still you would have to face another one but one thing always remains the same, the pain.

No wonder life is a greater achievement than death.